She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's never too late to be topless.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
