apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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