hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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