mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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