I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
