I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
