her facebook's as public as her vagina
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's blow job season.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
