I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
