You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
