we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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