I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
