I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
