Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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