Do vagina's smell?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
