Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
