i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
