i can't believe i had my finger in that
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
