That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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