dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize