i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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