it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
