how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He told me they were just razor bumps!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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