half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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