right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
