who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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