A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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