i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
