Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
