u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
