Umm I'm too high to move.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
