He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
