I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
