O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
