Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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