On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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