U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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