i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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