Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Nicole vs. Life
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
