i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We need to get me chipped asap
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
