Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
