Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
