You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
