Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
