I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
