the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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