fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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