i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
