Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
