i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
