my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
