So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
