literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
