We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
