He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
