I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
my liver is dry heaving
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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