Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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