My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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