He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
