do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
