I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
