I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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