Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
