I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
