ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
