it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
