she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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