There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
