Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
