well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
