You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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