Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
