my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We got so high we made milksteak
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
