I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
