So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
