I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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