K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
