The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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