I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
