dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
