in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Can you repeat that, but with context?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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