chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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