I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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