so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
