I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
