It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
