THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
