The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
