The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
