I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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