Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
