new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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