I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
