If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
