she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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