just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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