My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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