The maid of honor just puked.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
