i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
