So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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