9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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