Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
there is glitter all over my balls
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