Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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