does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
