We're facebook friends in real life
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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