god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
