I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
