alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
