he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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