I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
