My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
