and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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